Who knew making a Junior Varsity soccer team would be so dang hard?

I write this blog to tell about my journey of playing high school soccer with a cerebral palsy and I feel like I wouldn’t be telling the whole journey if I didn’t tell everything that is currently happening. A few days ago I wrote a post and it seemed as if things were going pretty good but it always feels like when I have good news, the next time around I experience a setback. Last night I got an email from the coach explaining that there is going to be a very high number of girls trying out and therefor there will be player cut from rosters. I never expected to be guaranteed a place on any team but as the policy has been that no players get cut in past years this dream of mine to play on a high school soccer team is going to be a lot harder than I expected. I was hoping that because of the no cut policy I would be able to make a team and then try to establish a relationship with my coach so that I could make a plan to become as fit as possible and try to figure out what my role would be on the team.

There are going to be about 60-70 girls trying out and only about 50 roster spots. Realistically looking at my fitness I am the perfect player to get cut. Being a junior and this being only my second year in the program that’s not in my favor, also my abilities as a player hinder me. I’ve got skill from playing so many years but my ability to run fast and turn fast is lessened because of my disability. In my perfect world fitness and ability would not be what makes the final decision. It would be my determination, love and knowledge for the beautiful game. I know I’d be lucky if maybe a hundred people have come across my blog and read it and know my story. It would be awesome if that one kid with a disability read my blog and got inspired to play sports or even just fulfill a dream they thought they would never accomplish. As for my love for the game and knowledge I can tell I probably know more about the game of soccer and love it more than half the people who are going to try out. Sometimes I think I’m crazy wanting this dream and that of course there are better players out there that deserve a roster spot but this dream of mine means more to me that another thing in the world right now.    

At my school I know of about 8 other kids who have Cerebral Palsy and not one of them plays sports. The only person who I saw with disability who played sports was a senior last year who was in a wheelchair and participated in track. I know there aren’t very many kids out there with a disability who play sports at a high school level but I’m proud to say I a one of them. But sometimes I feel alone too. I’ve never seen or heard of another high school soccer player with CP but I know there out there somewhere. I feel as if I need to each people that people with disabilities aren’t just meant for the sidelines and I think my blog helps me do this but somehow I need to speak up and let the coaches know that. I also recently discovered the U.S deaf National soccer teams and when looking at the website I found the name of one of the many coaches I had last season. She had been a former member of the team. I also came across an article about her when she was playing in college. She had talked about how being deaf wasn’t really a disability for her. I myself hate the word disability but still use it because I don’t think people would understand my usage of being “different” or having “obstacles”. I almost never think of myself having a disability because that would be just plain weird if I woke up each day telling myself I had a disability! She was the coach who was there when I scored my one goal last season and gave me high praise after the game that day. I will never forget that.

At this point all I can hope for is that things will work themselves out while remembering to never give up on my dreams. One of my best friends who is also trying out asked me this morning if I was still going to try out and I said absolutely! Ive got nothing to lose. I really hope I can help her because I know she wants the same dream as me. I think if she sees me not giving up, she won’t either.  Whatever happens in the end, if I make it or not, I will still be playing soccer. Ive never been able to play at the level I really want. Last year on JV2 no one cared about what they were doing and it was hard because of the fact that I care about the game so much. Looking back at all this I can take positives from this not matter what. I learned a lot about myself as a person. Something within me as never let me give up on my dream and I’ve become a stronger person because of it. I also see other people, like my friend who aren’t willing to give up because I tell them if I can do it, then do definitely can too. Looking back at all my great summers I've had I will remember the summer I went to Disneyland, the summer I went to New York and the summer I went to Hawaii. But this summer I hope to look back and remember this one as the summer I never gave up.

Hoping for GOOD news to come soon J

-Never Give Up 

Every Day Is A New Day, But Never Promised

A few days after my dad had his heart attack I remember it had snowed and our heat was turned off because my mom had forgotten to pay the bill. I had promised myself that wasn’t going to cry about anything after he had his heart attack and I was doing great up to that point but then I all the sudden broke down and started to cry. (Yes I cried over the fact that it was 30 degrees in my house). It seemed as if everything possible was going wrong in my life.  The one thing I remember my mom telling me was that one day we will look back at this at hopefully laugh at it. Four months later and I can help not laughing at it, or many of the difficult things I’ve been through in the past 12 months of my life.  Shortly after my last soccer season had ended when I was dealing with severe headaches I would get up each morning dreading going to school because of the pain and obstacles they brought trying to learn. I felt like I was going crazy and was starting to give up hope but yet somehow each and every day I would get up and live my life through the struggles it gave me. Every day’s a new day: that’s one of the most important life lesson I’ve ever learned. Such a simple thing. Looking back it seems so crazy that somehow I made it through some of the things I did but I always kept hope that tomorrow would be a better day and everyday seemed to come with a new beginning.

I haven’t updated in a while because I’ve been pretty busy.  I’ve had days were I feel great and just enjoy being a 16 year old and some days that are tough. I can’t fully seem to get fully over the fatigue from the mono. Sleeping has become my second favorite thing to do besides soccer. It’s frustrating but something I know I can’t control. Getting upset over the fact that I got mono in the first place hasn’t done me any good so I learned just to let it go. I do feel like I have improved a little bit although much of my training has stopped over the past few weeks because I feel like I’m over doing it.  Over the past few months I‘ve been thinking about who I am as a person and how to get through the tough times.  This has helped me tremendously. When I have hard day I only tell myself two things, tomorrow is a new day and to never give up on my dreams.

I’ve also learned to stop worrying about everything knowing that things eventually do work themselves out one way or another. I don’t worry about the fact that there’s going to be 60 other girls who want the same thing as me. I don’t worry about if the coaches will ever understand my disability. I don’t worry about what people or players think of me with my disability and I don’t worry If I’m going to make the team I want. I have a friend who is also trying out for the team and she has asked me more than once if we’re going make it. Not once have I ever told myself no. (My motto is Never Give Up after all!) I got an email from the coach last night about a two week conditioning camp before try outs. It’s not a requirement but most players will attend. At this point I’m not fully sure if this is a realistic thing for me. I still do need to try to get in touch with the head coach and I’m hoping something can be worked out so I can get a trainer at the gym my family works out at and do my conditioning there. I know as a soccer player you have to be extremely fit and this has been a huge struggle for me but I’m never giving up hope that one day I will run 2-6 miles and not get tired!

Right now my biggest dream in life is to make my high school’s junior varsity soccer team. This dream may seem silly to some but it’s my dream and I have worked hard for it. My next dream will probably be to get into college then to coach soccer. I’m also very thankful that I can have these dreams. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my Cerebral Palsy had been any more severe. It means everything to me that I have the ability to simply kick a ball. If I didn’t have that I honestly do not know what I would be doing. I’ve become more thankful for life and the people I love like my dad who is alive and healthy.    

The past 12 months of my life have completely changed me as a person. My freshman year I was a 14 year old who wasn’t truly thankful for anything that was in my life and when I had bad days nothing was ever going to get better. It’s kind of weird saying this but I’m actually kind of glad I’ve gone through some of the things I have in the past year of my life!

Hopefully I will update soon with some more progress! J

-Never Give Up.         

Hard Work Paying Off

It’s been about two weeks since my summer started and the only two things I’ve done is sleep and play soccer, which really isn’t a bad thing at all and I’m the most happy I’ve been months. For the past two weeks I’ve been training 5-6 days a week for 1 ½-2 hours a day and this is why I’m so happy, I missed playing the game. Just having a ball at my feet is the greatest feeling in my life. But the hardest thing about all of this isn’t the training; it’s getting out of bed each morning. I have been left tired pretty much all the time from the Mono. I don’t want to get out of bed but those two hours of my day, they are the best. And then I go home and literally lay in bed for the rest of the day exhausted. This is how the rest of my summer will be, I have no doubt it will be hard but I just can’t give up.        

 “To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.” – Steve Prefontaine.

Growing up my parents did a really good job of teaching me that my disability isn’t an excuse for anything and I can do absolutely anything I want to in life, like playing soccer, if I work hard. So I have been working my hardest and giving my very best every time I’m out on the pitch. I have set goals for myself but I’m determined that more than just these goals will be accomplished. A few weeks ago my dad told me that you always have to push yourself to do better than your best or you won’t get better at anything and that’s pretty true. One of my goals is to be able to run 2 miles come time for tryouts. That may seem easy for some but for me it’s my best because of the fact that I tire easily. During tryouts we will also have to run 5 miles and I could say that’s impossible for me, but I can’t because I know with hard work one day I’ll be able to run 5 miles, it may not even be while playing high school sports, it could be when I’m an adult, but one day, with hard work, I’ll be able to run 5 miles with ease. People have asked me “so, why don’t you just be the team manager” yes, with my disability that’s an easy thing to say because some people think that’s all we have to give. I have much, much more than that and it’s certainly not my best. I’ve been playing soccer on a team since the age of four. That’s 12 years and the game is my life, I can do better than team manager.

I’ve only been doing this training for 2 ½ weeks now and I can already see improvement. That’s the best feeling! The first thing is that I have been able to go without a knee brace on my left knee for the first time since I was 11 years old, I badly dislocated it in 2007, again in 2009 and again earlier this year. I know it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but it is for me. While I will still wear it during games to prevent injury, I thought I would never get out of that thing. Another discovery I made is that doing certain goalkeeping drills is really beneficial for me. Your probably thinking, “What the heck, goalkeeping drills for a striker?” YEAH! It helps strengthen back and arm muscles, something that really affects me because my CP. As well as agility, which pretty poor for me too. The left side of my back is underdeveloped but I can already see improvement. Cracking my back is the only way I get relief from back pain and since I’ve been told by a doctor it is safe to do, that’s how I get relief but because of the left side, I couldn’t get relief there. The muscles one the left side are slowly getting stronger and the pain is slowly going away. Same thing with my left leg before this is could never shuffle to the left now it’s almost easy to do! I am pretty amazed with the improvement I have in just two weeks. It gives me a lot of hope!  

Just a few weeks ago I was telling myself that I was never going to make my Junior Varsity team but I realized that would never do me any good telling myself I won’t so now I tell myself I can, and I will. I have till August 20^th, 49 days, to work as hard as I can and I have nothing to lose. If in the end I don’t make it, yes it will be hard for me, but knowing that I work as hard as I could, harder than anyone ever expected, achieved more than I could of dreamed.. I gave my best and showed my gift, that’s all that matters to me! (But always expect me to make that teamJ)