Hard Work Paying Off

It’s been about two weeks since my summer started and the only two things I’ve done is sleep and play soccer, which really isn’t a bad thing at all and I’m the most happy I’ve been months. For the past two weeks I’ve been training 5-6 days a week for 1 ½-2 hours a day and this is why I’m so happy, I missed playing the game. Just having a ball at my feet is the greatest feeling in my life. But the hardest thing about all of this isn’t the training; it’s getting out of bed each morning. I have been left tired pretty much all the time from the Mono. I don’t want to get out of bed but those two hours of my day, they are the best. And then I go home and literally lay in bed for the rest of the day exhausted. This is how the rest of my summer will be, I have no doubt it will be hard but I just can’t give up.        

 “To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.” – Steve Prefontaine.

Growing up my parents did a really good job of teaching me that my disability isn’t an excuse for anything and I can do absolutely anything I want to in life, like playing soccer, if I work hard. So I have been working my hardest and giving my very best every time I’m out on the pitch. I have set goals for myself but I’m determined that more than just these goals will be accomplished. A few weeks ago my dad told me that you always have to push yourself to do better than your best or you won’t get better at anything and that’s pretty true. One of my goals is to be able to run 2 miles come time for tryouts. That may seem easy for some but for me it’s my best because of the fact that I tire easily. During tryouts we will also have to run 5 miles and I could say that’s impossible for me, but I can’t because I know with hard work one day I’ll be able to run 5 miles, it may not even be while playing high school sports, it could be when I’m an adult, but one day, with hard work, I’ll be able to run 5 miles with ease. People have asked me “so, why don’t you just be the team manager” yes, with my disability that’s an easy thing to say because some people think that’s all we have to give. I have much, much more than that and it’s certainly not my best. I’ve been playing soccer on a team since the age of four. That’s 12 years and the game is my life, I can do better than team manager.

I’ve only been doing this training for 2 ½ weeks now and I can already see improvement. That’s the best feeling! The first thing is that I have been able to go without a knee brace on my left knee for the first time since I was 11 years old, I badly dislocated it in 2007, again in 2009 and again earlier this year. I know it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but it is for me. While I will still wear it during games to prevent injury, I thought I would never get out of that thing. Another discovery I made is that doing certain goalkeeping drills is really beneficial for me. Your probably thinking, “What the heck, goalkeeping drills for a striker?” YEAH! It helps strengthen back and arm muscles, something that really affects me because my CP. As well as agility, which pretty poor for me too. The left side of my back is underdeveloped but I can already see improvement. Cracking my back is the only way I get relief from back pain and since I’ve been told by a doctor it is safe to do, that’s how I get relief but because of the left side, I couldn’t get relief there. The muscles one the left side are slowly getting stronger and the pain is slowly going away. Same thing with my left leg before this is could never shuffle to the left now it’s almost easy to do! I am pretty amazed with the improvement I have in just two weeks. It gives me a lot of hope!  

Just a few weeks ago I was telling myself that I was never going to make my Junior Varsity team but I realized that would never do me any good telling myself I won’t so now I tell myself I can, and I will. I have till August 20^th, 49 days, to work as hard as I can and I have nothing to lose. If in the end I don’t make it, yes it will be hard for me, but knowing that I work as hard as I could, harder than anyone ever expected, achieved more than I could of dreamed.. I gave my best and showed my gift, that’s all that matters to me! (But always expect me to make that teamJ)                                             

Long Summer Ahead!

2011 West Linn high school JV2 girls soccer team. 

Haven’t written a post in 3 weeks, oops! Not all that much has happened in the last three weeks though, just school, homework and finalsJ.  Finally that’s all over and the start of my summer is here! But as far as physically and mentally this will most likely be the toughest summer of my life. I currently still not fully over the Mono I came down with 10 weeks ago. This is the most frustrating of all. I know that mono can last anywhere from a few weeks to months. That’s what frustrates me; I need to recover from mono soon if I have any chance of playing soccer by the end of summer! The mono as left me feeling extremely fatigued with a very weak immune system, I currently am getting over my third cold in the past month. At this point I am starting to look for answers on what I should do as a player, I have asked a few people and no one seems to know anything. I’m not fit at all; I had to run a mile in wellness class last week and after running just a quarter of the mile I felt like I was going to pass out. So rather than just sit around and wait till I’m fully recovered I have decided that I need to push myself and get back to the gym and just go and kick the ball around when I feel well enough to. I am aware that this plan a totally backfire on me and I could end up feeling worse, but the least I can do is try!

The one other goal I do have for this summer is to act more like a kid. The past year of my life has stopped me from doing that and put a lot of unneeded stress on me. Last year around this time last year one of my family’s closets friends passed away. That was the real start of all the stress for me. Then a few months later after the start of my soccer season all the sickness, benign heart murmur, headaches and back pain started. Doctor after doctor and a lot of this still hasn’t been figured out yet. While I thought I was getting better in February, in March my dad had is heart attack and surgery then I dislocated my knee for the third time. Then yet again I got sick in early April with Mono. Honestly sometimes I feel as if I am going crazy!! Yes throughout all this I have a lot of fun but sometimes I do wish I was just a bit for of a kid, not having so much stress and having to be so mature. This summer my goal is to have fun with what I’m doing, if I don’t reach my goal of playing at my high school I do have a coed league I could join, as much as I do don’t want to do that my goal is to play at the highest level I possibly can and if coed is the highest I can play at, then I will have to except it. I also want to be able to hang out with friends like any other teenager, and learn to drive, something I have had no time for! My friends are very supportive of me and are trying to help me reach my soccer dreams too.

In my last two posts I talked about informing my high school coaches and the athletic director about what’s going on and trying to find a role on a team, that’s still in the works. My parents are busy people tooJ. They having given me great advice on this and we have decided to go to the athletic director for advice but then go to the head coach and have me explain all that’s going on medically and help the coaches understand my Cerebral Palsy better. I need to let them know that I am very passionate about the game of soccer and that I’ve just got a few things get in my way, if they give me the chance I’ll work as hard as anyone else on the field, while I might not be in the best shape or even have the best skill I am still willing to fight for my place on a team. I have the whole summer to decide how I am going to help coaches understand but right now I need to just get over this nasty mono and start to being to get some strength back and most of all enjoy my only summer as a 16 year old J.

* Today, after finishing up my post I have decided with still getting over a cold should just kick the ball around a little and go for a short walk/jog rather than push myself too hard at the gym. This probably wasn’t the most interesting post but I felt that I needed to explain what’s going on. I’ll try to keep doing bi-weekly blog posts if possible about my progress with fitness, recovery and contacting the coach at my high school. Yes, I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I'm not giving up yet! 

                    

For The Love Of The Game Part 2: Fighting

When I wrote my last blog entry I was a little bit discouraged and confused so I didn’t really address all that was going on. One of those things I didn’t mention was that the head coach made it clear that her coaching philosophy was that all players should come to her if there’s anything that needs to be talked about. I’m actually pretty good about being able to talk with adults, but not when it comes to my Cerebral Palsy. This is one of the major things that are holding me back. Being able to talk to the coach about my CP is just something I really can’t do without the help of my mom or the athletic director yet. So that’s my next step, talking with the athletic director at my school. Sometime this week hopefully I’ll get in contact with him and see if there can be some sort of meeting where we can discuss more about my CP and what my role, if any, will be on a team next fall.  

Over the past few years I’ve seen great improvement in opportunities for athletes with disabilities at youth, High School, collegiate and even Paralympic level.  I have come to realize that I’m in a position where I can help improve it even more. But I’ve learned it isn’t too easy. I have to and will fight for my right to be able to play sports like any other person.  I have to let my coach and athletic director know that I deserve it or I may never get the chance to continue playing in the fall. I feel fortunate to be in the place where I am and that I’m able to fight, even if no one acknowledges it, for other people with disabilities who never got to play sports. That’s what keeps me going. Even in the end if I fail, at least I know I didn’t give up. And if I succeed I’ll know that I had to do what many other disabled athletes do, fight. This is also why my true favorite athletes and inspirations are mostly Paralympians, knowing that they were once were I was encourages me and gives me hope.

As for now I am still dealing with pain in a lot of my body, but mainly my back. I’ve decided that I’m not going to worry about it too much and deal with like I have been for a while now. I’ve gotten a LOT better from the Mono in the past two weeks and finally feel like going outside and playing again. Over the next few months I am going to have to put in a lot of hard work. Starting with building strength back in my left knee, being able to run to where I don’t get as tired on the field and working on skills. I am willing to do all of this to show people that a person with a disability can play soccer too. Even if I don’t do all this or I am not in the coaches plans next year I still want to fight and stand up for the other kids with disabilities who never got to play sports at a high school level.  

Hopefully by the time schools out in mid-June I will have had some kind of talk with my school athletic director/coach and hopefully there will be good news! J                 

For The Love Of The Game

99.9% of the time when you ask me about my disability I will tell you that there’s almost never a time in my life that I wished I didn’t have a disability and I’m even blessed at times that I have a disability. But what’s the other .1% of the time when I think, why me? That’s when I think about the game of soccer.  At the time of writing this I am sick yet again. I am also just plane tired and discouraged. Tonight my mom went to a soccer meeting at my High School; I could not go due to me being sick. She got back and we had a talk, I now know that I have a very, very long summer ahead of me.  She told me about all the conditioning the coaches want, the level of play I must be at and how there will be high competition and a high turnout of players at tryouts and if my fitness level and skill level don’t match up, I will be cut. This is nothing I didn’t expect, but I have come to the harsh realization my health and disability may hinder me from reaching coaches expectations.

So, you wonder why I haven’t lost all faith and said there’s no way I can do this yet? Maybe it’s just simply because I love the game so much.

Tonight my mom asked me if I’ve ever wanted not to have Cerebral Palsy and if I ever wondered how good of a player I would be without it. I don’t cry often, but I nearly broke down in tears when she asked me this. Yes, yes I do wish sometimes I didn’t have CP. And I know that I’d be a great player without CP. I get frustrated with the fact that I can’t just be that soccer star and just be able to keep up on the field. But I know that everything happens for a reason and there’s a reason I have Cerebral Palsy and there’s even a reason I still play soccer too. I have also been sick since the end of last season (October) and that’s almost 7 whole months. Problems with headaches, more colds then I can count, a couple of flu’s, Mono, and a few minor injuries. That’s the main reason I haven’t conditioned as well as I wish I can. It’s also really hard seeing other girls play for year round club teams and being involved with that much soccer when I’ve done as much as I can and that doesn’t even feel close enough at all.

So, you wonder why with all I’ve been through in my life and how truly hard it is for me some times, I haven’t given up? Maybe it’s just simply because I love the game so much.

I just needed to write this tonight just so I didn’t feel so discouraged so sorry if it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense and a little shortJ. And again I do believe everything happens for a reason. Even if my soccer dreams don’t go quite to plan in the end, I know myself and I know that because I am a fighter and because I love the game so much, I will NEVER give up on my dreams and will continue to do everything I possibility can to find my way on one of my High School teams this summer.  

"Don't give up, don't ever give up” I know I won’t ever J

So, what exactly is Cerebral Palsy?

The whole reason I started this blog was, of course, to share with other people what it’s like to play soccer with cerebral palsy.  But the one question I am always asked is “What exactly is cerebral palsy?” I know I lot of adults who think they know what it is but then just end up looking like idiots when trying to explain it, and even at times I fail at explaining it. Usually when a person asks I just say I injured myself during practice or when it comes to people asking at school, I just compare it to other kids with Cerebral Palsy and say I have a mild form of what they have.  I highly doubt any teammates or coaches of mine have or will ever read any of my blog, but if they were ever to read it, this is definitely the one post I would want them to read, just simply so they would understand why I’m the way I am in practice and matches.

So, what exactly is Cerebral Palsy?  

Cerebral Palsy (CP) is a condition that impairs the motor control that affects the muscles caused by brain damage in infancy. There are four major types of CP. I have mild Spastic left Hemiplegia, meaning the whole left side of my body is affected.  My case is very mild but, this makes my muscles weak and stiff, underdeveloped and I have little function of parts of my left side (my left hand is more affected than my left foot, I have very little function of my hand) I have minor balance problems and small limp. It also causes me some minor paralysis like feeling in my toes and left side of my face.

What causes CP?

Doctors aren’t completely sure of all the causes but some causes are:

·         Prematurity

·         Lack of oxygen at birth

·         Fetal stroke

·         Brain injury up to about age 3 or so.

For me I was born 6 week early and when I was four days old doctors discovered I had suffered a brain bleed (stroke) approximately two weeks before birth. Being diagnosed so early no one knew how I was going to be affected or how severe it was until I started to miss millstones like crawling and walking.

How does it affect me on the pitch?

I consider myself extremely lucky, I’m not in a wheelchair or walker, I can talk and I’ve never had a surgery in my life. I also have the ability to do my passion, play soccer.  As far as my restrictions on the field, there aren’t too many actually. The main thing I can’t do is run fast, never have and never will be able too due to the damage to my muscles, I often come in last on running drills in practice and that’s usually when coaches figure there’s something wrong with me. I also tire faster than able bodied players, I can play 70-80 minutes as a striker but when you put me in the midfield I need a substitution to be at my best. I’m more injury prone due to my weak muscles and having to use the right side of my body more than the left, often I’m able to play threw the injuries because of how many I’ve had!  In practice there’s nothing I really can’t do, I’m expected to do everything everyone else does, some stretches are harder but I can complete all drills, sometimes with minor accommodations. When I start limping or keeping my hand fisted is usually when teammates notice my disability. I have notice at times teammates can get frustrated with me when I’m slower (not only on the field, but in the locker room too.J).  During a game, despite my lack of speed, I can pass and shoot a ball just fine.  The only thing I can’t do on the field are throw ins. (but I never do them because I’m not a DefenderJ) I’ve also notice that because my left arm can’t move very fast, when the ball comes anywhere near it, I sometimes get called for hand balls! The one thing I would LOVE is for my coaches to understand what Cerebral Palsy is, and while it is a disability that affects me in some ways, I have the ability to play like anybody else with hard work!  

One last note:  I finally got to kick a ball for the first time since Mono and my knee injury a few days ago! It was only for about an hour and 45 minutes just kicking the ball, no conditioning, but it sure felt good! Some pictures below.                            

      

Soccer Is My Kinda Therapy!

It’s been quite a while since I’ve even thought about this blog, honestly because I didn’t have anything to write about at all. Since I last updated I started physical therapy for my dislocated knee and literally the next day after my 1^st therapy session I came down with what I thought was just a cold, but it turned out to be Mononucleosis, which I have had for a month now, but slowly starting to recover. However that did mean that the three other sessions I was supposed to have did have to be cancelled. My Dad also had to start his own rehab and his medical bills are also adding up so that means for right now my family cannot afford physical therapy for me. At this point I’m just happy my dad’s returning to normal life and work! Luckily my family owns a membership with ClubSport Oregon so next weekend I will start to get back to the gym on my own and then eventually build up to working with a soccer specific personal trainer later in the summer.

Even with just one physical therapy session for me knee, it reminded me of how much I hated physical therapy for my Cerebral Palsy as a young child. Every little kid just wants to feel normal so by the time I was eight years old, I was pretty rebellious about it. Going to Doernbecher Children's Hospital in Portland at least once a week for eight years just got boring and I started to wonder if it was really helping. So my parents stop the therapy and I stopped wearing a brace on my left foot. Of course I didn’t stop the soccer though. By the 6^th grade, four years after I stopped the therapy, I started to realize that my left leg was becoming stronger and I could run a bit faster and keep up more with my teammates. I also could now run upstairs and walk with a more normal gait (on my heal instead of my toes) I then realized that it was the soccer playing that was making my left leg and balance become much stronger and even making it easier to kick with the right side.

During my freshman year I also enrolled in a weight training class. While I was a bit nervous at first because I was one of only 4 girls in the class and the rest of the class were all varsity football players, I discovered with the help of my schools physical therapist that weight training could help me regain function and muscle tone it the left hand. When started the first week of the class I couldn’t even bend my left arm all the way out. By the end of the year, I could bend it all the way out and fully bench press. This year I use my P.E. class as my weight class and working on strengthening both my left arm and leg. Next year I will again be in a weight training class and hopefully a yoga class. Of all the classes that could be my favorite, weight training is definitely #1! 

I'm extremely lucky to go to a school with such a good weight room! Seriously! 

The other thing soccer could do that the therapists could not was telling me that I can rather than cannot.  They tried for years to get me to say and think that, but again I was just rebellious. I could never play softball because I never figured out how to run fast enough. I played two years of basketball but I realized I couldn’t catch a ball. But the one thing that has always made me say I can was soccer. I have always felt normal and in the right place playing soccer. I may look slightly different to some people on the field but I’ve always understood the game and loved it more than anything. Soccer helped the phrase I can become a word in my personal dictionary and I cannot is slowly slipping away and it’s no longer an option for me. I believe this is why I love that they have programs like TOPSoccer for kids with disabilities. It makes them realize that even with a disability they are normal and that if they want to play soccer they can. I also think that while they may not know it, it’s helping kids improve their physical ability even if it’s just little improvement.  I will always encourage kids with disabilities to try a sport or at least always stay active in some way because soccer has helped me in so many ways in my life!   

Oh and I forgot, I turned 16 on Friday! :) 

                     

Why give up now?

Back in late October my soccer season was wrapping up I was sick, tried and falling behind in school. This was the first time in my life deep inside I was having thoughts of giving up playing soccer.  Crazy as it sounds it was true. I had realized that my body couldn’t take much more. Over the next 3 months it seemed as if being sick and struggling in school was taking over my life. After getting back on track in January of this year I started to think that I didn’t deserve a spot on the field. I kept thinking what coach would want a player who because of their disability, is slower on the field and runs with a limp? And honestly not every coach in the world would want this player as their striker.

                On the morning of March 16, which was supposed to be a normal Friday, was anything but normal. I was awoken by a phone call from my mom at 6:00 A.M. My mom told me my dad had a massive heart attack and was undergoing open heart surgery. To say I was scared was an understatement. I tried to do many things to get my mind off it, but nothing helped I just kept coming back to things he said to me in the past. This is the moment I literally said to myself “what the heck am I doing giving up on soccer?” my dad is always the one to push me life, most importantly in soccer. A few months ago when I told him that I didn’t know if I wanted to try out again in the summer, he looked at me like I was crazy and said “you can’t give up now, you’ve played soccer for almost 12 years and your more passionate and understand more about the game than anyone I’ve ever known”

                My point is that even though I may have more physical limitations than most players and I’m not the greatest player in the world, but I do have a soccer brain and I love the game more than anything. Even my crazy dad suggested I go to the varsity soccer coach and demand a spot on the team, just because of my “soccer brain” and while that’s not exactly my plain, it’s darn pretty close. I love everything about the game of soccer, even the things it teaches people in life. I find a joy in teaching people about my story and showing them that even with Cerebral Palsy; I can play the beautiful game too. Even if next year means sitting on the bench when I need to and motivating my teammates or picking up cones on the sidelines I’ll happily do that too. Call me crazy, but I see having CP as a blessing. If I didn’t have it I wouldn’t be able to show other kids with CP, soccer coaches and players the courage it sometimes takes to play the game and that even I can play the game despite a disability. And I am absolutely sure if I didn’t have CP I wouldn’t have the fighting spirit I have today and would have quit playing soccer 3 years ago.  

                I’m currently overcoming another obstacle, I dislocated my left knee jumping on a trampoline and have to wear a knee brace for a few weeks and have to have a few physical therapy sessions. But over the past few days I have started to talk about colleges with my mom and dad (I’m a sophomore in high school) my first thought was probably community college then university but when I really thought about it a realized that if I’m still playing soccer now, why can’t I play in college? Call me crazy again but I do have a dream. And no I’m not talking about division 1 I’m talking about division III or junior college athletics. Both my parents fully support me in this decision and I’ve gotten this far, so why would I give up now? It’s only a dream… 

My dad before a race.