Sometimes Life's Just Not Fair

Quick update.

Monday was supposed to be the first day of tryouts for me but with all the crazy stuff that’s happen to me lately I wasn’t really surprised when that didn’t happen. On Friday I went to a university of Portland women’s soccer game. I felt fatigued as usual, or at least the usual since mono, but also came down with other symptoms which I thought was just a cold. Come Saturday morning and I could barely get out of bed. Wasn’t the flu either and it got worse on Sunday. Headaches, nausea, fevers, dizziness, swollen lymph nodes, body aches covering 95% of my body. And I worked hard all summer to get where I was before Friday. I was almost fully fit and felt like I could make it. Then this happened. That’s life I guess.  Monday my parents tried to force me to tryouts but I knew that my body could not take it. I would have collapsed within 5 minutes of running. Then the guilt sunk in when my dad accused me of giving up and not caring. I’ve always told myself never to give up and right then I felt like I was giving up. Anyways I did end up going to the doctor Monday night and had blood drawn for different tests. The doctor said it might just me that I have a really weak immune system and caught a virus which brought back the mono symptoms. Another possibility is anemia. I was also test for a few other things including autoimmune diseases just to be safe. I’m pretty devastated right now to say the least. Of all the times this could happen. I honestly just want to feel better at this point. One of the things that scare me is the amount of weight I’ve lost in the past 5 days. I’ve lost 7 pounds in 5 days. Right now I think figuring out my health and school, which starts in less than 2 weeks, is more important than playing soccer. That’s pretty tough for me to say. As far as playing soccer it’s still a possibility I just am not sure they want me. I’m sure not giving up at all though. I could be happy if I was given a team manager spot on JV2 at this point. It’s still being involved with the game I love. I thought you were supposed to be rewarded for hard work. It still hurts to talk about this right now. I don’t know if anything I just wrote made any sense to anybody but I need to figure out what’s going on health wise, hopefully it’s a virus I’ll get over soon! Then hopefully I can get back to the game of soccer. I'll update soon in more detail. I haven’t given up yet people! I will play soccer by the end of this year. No matter what it takes. I believe I will! Something was taken away from me and now I just have to fight to get it back. I need some rest first. I haven’t slept in 36 hours…      

-      Never give up.