A few days after my
dad had his heart attack I remember it had snowed and our heat was turned off
because my mom had forgotten to pay the bill. I had promised myself that wasn’t
going to cry about anything after he had his heart attack and I was doing great
up to that point but then I all the sudden broke down and started to cry. (Yes I
cried over the fact that it was 30 degrees in my house). It seemed as if
everything possible was going wrong in my life. The one thing I remember my mom telling me was
that one day we will look back at this at hopefully laugh at it. Four months
later and I can help not laughing at it, or many of the difficult things I’ve
been through in the past 12 months of my life. Shortly after my last soccer season had ended when
I was dealing with severe headaches I would get up each morning dreading going
to school because of the pain and obstacles they brought trying to learn. I felt
like I was going crazy and was starting to give up hope but yet somehow each
and every day I would get up and live my life through the struggles it gave me.
Every day’s a new day: that’s one of the most important life lesson I’ve ever
learned. Such a simple thing. Looking back it seems so crazy that somehow I made
it through some of the things I did but I always kept hope that tomorrow would
be a better day and everyday seemed to come with a new beginning.
I haven’t updated in
a while because I’ve been pretty busy. I’ve
had days were I feel great and just enjoy being a 16 year old and some days
that are tough. I can’t fully seem to get fully over the fatigue from the mono.
Sleeping has become my second favorite thing to do besides soccer. It’s frustrating
but something I know I can’t control. Getting upset over the fact that I got
mono in the first place hasn’t done me any good so I learned just to let it go.
I do feel like I have improved a little bit although much of my training has stopped
over the past few weeks because I feel like I’m over doing it. Over the past few months I‘ve been thinking
about who I am as a person and how to get through the tough times. This has helped me tremendously. When I have
hard day I only tell myself two things, tomorrow is a new day and to never give
up on my dreams.
I’ve also learned to
stop worrying about everything knowing that things eventually do work themselves
out one way or another. I don’t worry about the fact that there’s going to be
60 other girls who want the same thing as me. I don’t worry about if the
coaches will ever understand my disability. I don’t worry about what people or players
think of me with my disability and I don’t worry If I’m going to make the team
I want. I have a friend who is also trying out for the team and she has asked
me more than once if we’re going make it. Not once have I ever told myself no. (My
motto is Never Give Up after all!) I got an email from the coach last night about a two week conditioning
camp before try outs. It’s not a requirement but most players will attend. At this
point I’m not fully sure if this is a realistic thing for me. I still do need
to try to get in touch with the head coach and I’m hoping something can be
worked out so I can get a trainer at the gym my family works out at and do my
conditioning there. I know as a soccer player you have to be extremely fit and
this has been a huge struggle for me but I’m never giving up hope that one day
I will run 2-6 miles and not get tired!
Right now my biggest
dream in life is to make my high school’s junior varsity soccer team. This dream
may seem silly to some but it’s my dream and I have worked hard for it. My next
dream will probably be to get into college then to coach soccer. I’m also very thankful
that I can have these dreams. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my
Cerebral Palsy had been any more severe. It means everything to me that I have
the ability to simply kick a ball. If I didn’t have that I honestly do not know
what I would be doing. I’ve become more thankful for life and the people I love
like my dad who is alive and healthy.
The past 12 months of
my life have completely changed me as a person. My freshman year I was a 14
year old who wasn’t truly thankful for anything that was in my life and when I had
bad days nothing was ever going to get better. It’s kind of weird saying this
but I’m actually kind of glad I’ve gone through some of the things I have in
the past year of my life!
Hopefully I will
update soon with some more progress! J
-Never Give Up.
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