For The Love Of The Game

99.9% of the time when you ask me about my disability I will tell you that there’s almost never a time in my life that I wished I didn’t have a disability and I’m even blessed at times that I have a disability. But what’s the other .1% of the time when I think, why me? That’s when I think about the game of soccer.  At the time of writing this I am sick yet again. I am also just plane tired and discouraged. Tonight my mom went to a soccer meeting at my High School; I could not go due to me being sick. She got back and we had a talk, I now know that I have a very, very long summer ahead of me.  She told me about all the conditioning the coaches want, the level of play I must be at and how there will be high competition and a high turnout of players at tryouts and if my fitness level and skill level don’t match up, I will be cut. This is nothing I didn’t expect, but I have come to the harsh realization my health and disability may hinder me from reaching coaches expectations.

So, you wonder why I haven’t lost all faith and said there’s no way I can do this yet? Maybe it’s just simply because I love the game so much.

Tonight my mom asked me if I’ve ever wanted not to have Cerebral Palsy and if I ever wondered how good of a player I would be without it. I don’t cry often, but I nearly broke down in tears when she asked me this. Yes, yes I do wish sometimes I didn’t have CP. And I know that I’d be a great player without CP. I get frustrated with the fact that I can’t just be that soccer star and just be able to keep up on the field. But I know that everything happens for a reason and there’s a reason I have Cerebral Palsy and there’s even a reason I still play soccer too. I have also been sick since the end of last season (October) and that’s almost 7 whole months. Problems with headaches, more colds then I can count, a couple of flu’s, Mono, and a few minor injuries. That’s the main reason I haven’t conditioned as well as I wish I can. It’s also really hard seeing other girls play for year round club teams and being involved with that much soccer when I’ve done as much as I can and that doesn’t even feel close enough at all.

So, you wonder why with all I’ve been through in my life and how truly hard it is for me some times, I haven’t given up? Maybe it’s just simply because I love the game so much.

I just needed to write this tonight just so I didn’t feel so discouraged so sorry if it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense and a little shortJ. And again I do believe everything happens for a reason. Even if my soccer dreams don’t go quite to plan in the end, I know myself and I know that because I am a fighter and because I love the game so much, I will NEVER give up on my dreams and will continue to do everything I possibility can to find my way on one of my High School teams this summer.  

"Don't give up, don't ever give up” I know I won’t ever J